"Here comes my 101th post: Explanation!"

What should I explains? About yesterday.


Here's the story. Me & my college classmates were having a picnic party at the beach & might be our last gathering before we off to our job training. I won't say that was a farewell party but it was more like a party where we all celebrate for our success in the college & the fact soon we are in the real world.


During the party, these two girls (yes, you know who you are) talked to me &  asked me to do something. Won't tell much what it was, and for what, but it is actually a "hi" & 'bye" issue. Don't get confuse, it is just a simple greeting & a simple farewell. 


Here is my say to both of you. I know that both of you wishing & hoping to see & hear what you wanted from me. I've tried too. I really do tried, so hard! My hope & wish are just like yours but I can't do it. Not I am mean or scared but I just can't. I am too tired of trying & I am too tired of doing every of these alone. I am the only one who is trying since not long after the start of this. I already had enough of the pains from this. I am just an ordinary human with my own weakness & breaking point. 


And more than that, I have my own reasons behind everything I am doing. If both of you ever wear my shoes, you will understand. But because I am wearing a size-12 shoes, you will never fit in. Therefore, you will never understand the difficulties of finding a shoes as big as that. 


I hope you can understand what I mean. If that is something how it looks like, just let it be. We just hope one day, the sky will be clear. But for now, I still trying to get the cloud off the sun. 


I'm not mean. Just tired. 

And I love you both!!!

♥